Which leads me to that always-lurking train of thought... that one that ponders on how I'm almost 17 and I haven't even BEGUN to decide what I want to do with my future.
My problem is that I've been talking of My Future as though it were something that wouldn't come until I'd produced, in a fit of genius, a best-selling novel or song or at least taken my SATs. I need to start thinking like my "future" has already started and I'm being left behind in the dust.
But when I try to sit and think about it, I end up drowning in a tidal wave of possible career paths. Whilst on the train I was reading through the newest issue of The Economist, and just sort of blanked out, imagining what it would be like to be a journalist. I happened to voice this aloud and was promptly informed that I don't possess a pushy enough attitude towards life in general. Er. So I guess that also means no (crumbling) Wall Street for me, either.
So, would I be a singer? Probably not. I'd either have to be a mind-blowingly good enough singer that image wouldn't matter, or else toil (or sleep my way up) to create one fabulous enough for people to ignore my mediocre/bad voice.
(Then again, I can name at least ten current best-selling artists that fit neither category so I wonder how that works?)
I could work on examples. I have a three friends majoring in English literature; two others are working towards careers in forensic science, and at least three have a major or minor in art. And they're all under twenty. They know what they want to do... so why am I still floundering?
me.(no, really. I DO want to know.)
Happy End of the Year, by the way!
11 comments:
I don't know if this will help or not, but in my own experience, the Rudows are notoriously hard on themselves. Very FEW 17 yr olds I know have the first clue what they want out of life, and I think that's fine. I think that knowing what you want is a work in progress...that you find out more about yourself as you go along. I still haven't completely decided on my final major at my advanced age. How can you be expected to know what you want when you don't have experience of what you like? Try stuff out & see what fits. And you could TOTALLY be a journalist or a singer. DO NOT let people or yourself talk you out of what you want. It's cliche, but you can do whatever you WANT TO if you want it bad enough. I let people tell me for ages that I wasn't good enough to be a singer (when I wanted to be)...and I was! All I needed was the chance & practice, which I mostly didn't get.I have other priorities now. But you can do anything you believe you can. If I can help you figure out how to make happen what you know you want, I will! Go gettum, tiger.
yeah be a singer!!! we like your voice!! who votes for that?
everyone..thank you...:D happy new year pretty!!
Try this (actually try it as it really works)if you want what you really want. Think about what Truth is. Confusion comes from not knowing the answer. The answer is the truth. The truth is the one thing that will solve all the lies, but if the truth is compared against a lie as a lie you will never know it was the truth because the lie will contradict the truth, however,if you handle the truth as truth and compare the lies against it from the point of (how much truth is in each lie and where does it stop) you'll understand what the lies are... which is everything, but the truth. The truth of life is that Humans were made to be beings experiencing and enjoying everything in life, but not to take credit for anything. The second they say it's from them they loose it. It's the ultimate of the want-it tax principle. YOu can have anything if you don't want if for yourself. That's why you never feel self conscious around people who's opinions you don't care about, but self conscious around people who's approval you want. If you want it to boost your ego you'll loose faith for it, but if you don't do it for obtaining it for your ego you can have it, your faith will float you. It's like a person who is extremely natural and confident (lacks fear) realize that he is really liked by everyone. If he doesn't care too much about it, he's happy.. but just that... about it he'll continue to be confident. But the second he takes credit for it, makes it an identity thing, his confidence will disappear and will be replaced with pride(which is trying to prove to yourself that you are confident). God will give you anything you want, even the knowledge of himself (you can see God... understand him, not need faith that he's there because you KNOW) as long as you don't take credit for it, as long as your ultimate motive, what's in your heart, is to give. There are two ways to give up and out... never in or you loose it. When God shows himself to you (you can't pull him out of your mind... you're an incomplete creation and you can't pull him out of your logic or reason)you should then read the bible and you'll understand it. It's the spirit of Truth which proceedeth from the Father. Everything supports it, but it can't be proven. God is the governing principle of everything, but man can only see the lesser principles originating from the governing one. Think about what it is that you and every human want besides pride (identity) which is what people think they want so they can have everything else.People want Love, Happiness, Truth, Power, patience, goodness, Faith (yes, they want it)meekness (you don't think you want it, but you do want it if it's mixed with all the others), temperance. You can have all of it if you don't take the credit for it, but you can't want it for yourself so you'll need to want it because you want God, because you want to understand and give. Even right now as I write this, I'm trying to show you this truth, but in the very, very back of my mind, a part of me is saying "you're showing her" as apposed to "God's showing her" so I can't get the perfect words to come out.... I think God gives me wisdom and then I mar it with some of my own thoughts or spins so you're probably not going to read this and say "I understand!!", but if I could not want ANYTHING of this giving to be of myself, I'd be given the perfect words to show you the point. It's the governing principle of the universe. Love God with ALL your heart, soul, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself (you're a soul made to experience everything good in life with no fear, or confusion). It's hard to love God if you think of him as a powerful far-off being that made everything and left it to rot. But the thing is, God is everything there is, it's only marred by sin which is incomplete creation, because the creation took credit for it's self and lost that part. They turned off the switch of unending goodness, because they said the goodness originated from within. Last, if you want to know God... do this experiment for two or three days and see if you'll understand what God's trying to convey through me. Give thanks to God for everything around you and look at everyone as another being created by God for the soul purpose of loving each other and enjoying life (without any pride or identity attached to the enjoyment). Focus only on what's good any really, really making people happy... not what's boosting their egos. And then if you see God, go back to the Bible and read it and you'll understand so many things written in there and the things you don't will be made known more and more to you as you loose you pride and self. If you don't "see the light" (BTW you won't see it if you "try" you have to let it come in, because the internal is the void)well, you gave it a shot... maybe later on God will do something to show you Himself....that he's real and everything you want. I love you and pray you'll be helped by this. -Someone who cares.
Another thing, confidence is the key to everything,as you know....and pride is the only cap that stops confidence from growing. Think about. And the only way to stop pride from coming in is to never look in at how much confidence you have. Impossible, I know, but you can keep the in-looking, minimal if you do follow the two golden rules. They really are the key to everything in life.
Suzy: You're right, I am pretty hard on myself sometimes. I just tend to get ahead of myself...
Thank you, that actually did encourage me. I've gotten that a lot recently, to be honest, the whole "don't let others decide things for you", so maybe I DO have a problem with letting people push me around. Hopefully that'll change.
Haha, will do ;) Love you.
Kathy: heehee... why thanks. That's very sweet of you. Happy New Year!
Anon: Wow, I was actually pretty overwhelmed by that essay of yours... thank you for your words of wisdom, I'll definitely keep them in mind whenever I make choices about my future.
u should just live in the moment. nothing can beat that. and do whatever it is that u wanna do. dont give into peer pressure from anyone...especially god or jesus or someone u cant see.
cheers!
Yes, live for the moment, but live to give, not take. Taking never gives you happiness. It only increases your void so you try harder to fill it. Giving is out is what fills the inside.
Try this, it's simpler than the essay...and says the same thing... just "understand it" don't try to "grab it with your mind", just let understanding come... it will if you let it.
God is the truth of giving, giving from head to toe with all that you have within. You look around you and see who you can give to and because you believe in God, that he gives and that you can give out anything that's pure giving and that he'll give you more to give. The devil is the spirit of taking. That's why people can't “understand” or logically take in God, cuz he doesn't exist in a land of taking, only in giving. That's why it takes faith. A man who's only seen taking his entire life cannot understand a God that gives continually, because reality is what we choose to make it.... anytime you want you can choose to be glad, fulfilled, loving, bold. The truth is that God is always there, he's visible (through his creation) and it's which current you choose that decides what your life is. If you choose to take all your life from all that gives and say that nothing gives but that you are stranded alone in a world of nothing, that's true, but it's only so because you blocked out everything that gives so that you can take. God will give you anything if you're ultimate motivation is to give, but it's impossible to continue giving unless you understand that there's a giving force of the universe. Mankind ignores all that gives and only focusses on taking, that's why he has all the problems of this world. God's original world was a world of giving. Where everyone gave and was glad. Man gave praise to God by enjoying everything God created God gave mankind everything that a man could enjoy (including every positive emotion). But the serpent,the spirit of taking, the “demand” said “you don't understand that there's a thing of taking. You live in a world of supply and supply, enjoy and enjoy, but you don't know what it's like to take. Come into the world between me and God, the world of Supply and demand where you get to make the choice. And you'll be like God, because you can be the top of your world, you can have option of taking credit for everything you own and are.” In other words, “are you really happy with having everything (God)?” Don't you want more? Don't you want to BE God instead of enjoy God?” And that's why it's sin to say there's no God. It's saying that everything you are, isn't enough and isn't given... it's nothing to you.... you need to have more. Your life, which was given to you, all the love that's given to you, all the joy you have available through faith (even the things you don't think are coming from faith, because you're taking credit for enjoying them), all that the world is isn't enough, you were made from nothing and were given everything, but you want more... you want everything and then you want to want, you want to say it's nothing and that you want something bigger. If you read this text with the thought of “What can I take from here to make my life better than it is, nothing will make sense, in what' written above, but if you say “What's true here, what's right, never mind my poor incomplete self for right now, I just want to understand without consuming,” everything will click. It's the greatest elusive obvious there is. If you want to understand what I'm talking about imagine from head to toe, you're just enjoying everything there is and it's all given to you, not “just there obstructing my way” but “made so I could be happy by it” that's the truth to life. It answers every problem in the world including time, confusion, evolution, hatred, love, mixed emotions, introversion (consuming yourself), extroversion (giving out as much as a man who doesn't know God can), pollution, global warming... the whole works. Just let understand flow into and out of you. Don't reach into the void to capture, take the concept of giving. And that's how you know that Jesus is God's son. His entire life, he just gave to people, including his life, that's why he “beat the serpents head” he showed that giving, can go through taking and win, taking isn't stronger than giving. It's all about your choice of perspective. You can choose to let understand of the universe of giving come in, or you can try take take that concept into a void so you can say you're the giving power.
Anon, I wish you'd just leave your name. The mind behind all of those words must either be completely insane or utterly brilliant, and either way I'd like to know to whom it belongs.
hahahaha it's meeeeee!!!!!!!!!
aint i totally insane?????
jk....im not THAT crazzie
haha, yeah, you're also not quite that loquacious...
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