The Lady Doth Protest Too Much, Methinks

Scene: Morning Devotions

Enter Father, Mother, and Three Daughters

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Dad: "They talk about being His people, but He doesn't even know them because most of them don't know Him, very few. ..."

Me: Wait wait wait- that isn't right. The Bible clearly says that God knows everybody. You shouldn't have to know God personally for him to know you exist- I mean, He's omniscient! He's omnipresent! He's God! He knows and loves all the people of the World, He...

Dad: No, that's not what it's saying- look, I'll read it again--

Melinda: :zzzzzzzzzzzz:

Mom: I think you have to interpret it the Biblical way: knowing everyone... *winks and nudges*

Keren: Oh God, Mom...! *huffs disgustedly*

Mom: Wha-at? I didn't say anything bad...

Dad:(reads whole paragraph again)

Me: See, see, it's contradicting the Bible- he's saying that God only knows the people who know him, when the Bible says in like, tons of places...

Mom: Well, remember, even the Bible is quite self-contradictory sometimes, too...

Melinda: *wakes up and chews hair*

Dad: You're completely misinterpr.... you're missing the point here, Amanda...

Keren: (in a hissing voice:) Scoot over, you're taking too much space!

Mom: No I'm not, besides, this is public space... and I'm your mother, you can't talk to me like that...

Melinda: *releases lock of hair* Everyone's just pre-menstrual.

Me: Will you all quiet down for a minute?!?! I'm trying to have an intelligent theological debate with Dad here...

Dad: You're just trying to be argumentative.

Me: FINE!! OH MY GOD, JUST FORGET I SAID ANYTHING THEN!!!

Dad: Alright. Yeah. That was just a big waste of air.

Mom: Great. Moving on...

Keren: YES. Let's keep reading.

*everyone laughs at the idiocy of the situation*

Melinda: *goes back to sleep*